A Piece For: Stevie Bobbie Warsh
In corporate parlance Lance from parliament called this a love manifesto
July 16, 2023. Montreal, Canada.
Me and you under a Chuppah we appropriated sometime in the middle of the afternoon somewhere outside the Tundra. This is post-Elvis but your girl Alanis Morissette has opted to contort herself into a witty worm clinking on my ear crystals using nothing but our wedding bands mine she wore on her right ring finger yours loosely on her left thumb ever since this morning when we hopped on the U-Haul. It's like 🎵 raaaaay-een… 🎵 on your 🎵 wehh-deeng 🎵 daaaaay 🎵. Anyway, there’s humidititty so you dab the very expensive sweat on my face with the floral linen napkin we made with my mom in her workshop last week. You look nervous it’s sweet. I notice you have some banter going on with the crowd while simultaneously setting up the 360 for the kids’ watch party from Mars. So you. “Stress is good, it means you give a shit” - I spare you the piece of advice you usually wrap me with when I’m freezing from the cortisol. I’m locked in. You look too handsome. I’m all in. Then you loudly whisper-cheer “fuck yes!” after winning rock-paper-scissors welcoming the opportunity to diffuse some nerves but mostly gloat about not reading your vows first. I smile with a smirk: there’s two winners today sir.
Fuck yes.
Today I’m going to do something I don’t typically do:
I’m going to share with you the first draft of my vows.
I realized the last few days when I was editing
that unlike anything else I’ve ever written
My vows to you is the one piece I hope remains unfinished
I hope this is the one thing I care to write and rewrite for the rest of my life. I'm sure you’ll give me your input like you usually do
But for now, here’s the first, of many many versions.
STEVIE BOBBIE WARSH,
When we met, I couldn't pin you down
All I knew is you intrigued me
You're a creature I've been deeply fascinated by
You are like no one I've met before
You don't fit any box
You resist all theories about you
Even as I'm writing these lines, you keep leaping off the page
I can't even lock you in a sentence
You leave a mark on people, then you disappear like invisible ink
You don't need me or anyone to describe you
You know exactly who you are and you're my anchor because of that
So,
When grand theories won't cut it
All we have left is to stick to the facts.
The fact is:
Seven years ago you bulldozed your way through my life like a breath of fresh air
All at once you grounded me kept me on my toes and swept me off my feet
You are a force of nature
(The unpredictable weather we're having today is perfectly fitting for your wedding day)
You are a force of nature
You do everything so fast
You talk fast
You think fast
You inhale your desert
You react quick but you're quicker to forgive
You apologize fast - the instant you see hurt on my face
I love that you catch hurt on people's faces and acknowledge it right away, not a lot of people do that
You move fast - how you move through space moves me
You fall in love fast
And so naturally, you commit fast
On our third date, you were all in
Doing things fast doesn't mean you do things haphazardly
You, my love, marry speed with intention
I didn't understand that about you at first
Now I know you process things much faster, then wait for us mere mortals to catch up, watch us arrive at your conclusion
In the staircase of the Hall Building, you had to spell it out for me:
You told me I was in love with you before I even knew (!)
It's impressive, when the person with fastest pace is also the most patient
If I'm not too careful it's easy to get swept in what I call the 'Stevie Storm'
But when I do give myself permission to go on that ride,
I can see a lifetime in the span of a minute and that's something
Being around you unfolds like a Mumford and Sons' song
It starts soothing but then it's thrilling and it ends up being overwhelming in the best way
You are overwhelming in the best way
I love that you take in the whole world all at once,
that you'll describe it to me when I'm overwhelmed by it
I think we crossed paths so you could show me all there is to see
Everything I wasn't seeing
And maybe also so I could stop you in your tracks,
Help you take in the scenery
I like our rhythm, the pace we've crafted for our life together
Too slow, and we would, bore each other to death
Too fast we'd burn out
No - our pace, our pace is just right
I'm convinced you and I will keep meeting each other in times and spaces that shouldn't make sense nor align
That's kind of our thing
People like us, two pure souls with big hearts and big plans, always find each other
And like on that yellow bus seven years ago;
We stumbled on each other didn't know what the hell to do with the other and despite our best efforts to resist this
We accepted our faith:
There is nowhere to go but forward,
No better time spent than together.
The fact is:
You're a good sport
You've been game since our second date when I barged in your car and said "Just drive!"
No dull moment with you, we make our own fun
We sneak into places and leave with mementos - we Shazam other people's parties - we play boardgames we invented - we chase the sun - we slow dance to "The Lady is a Tramp" in back alleys of the Old Port pretending we're in Paris
Life with you really does feel like the last five minutes of a rom-com
Speaking of which I love having a front-row seat to your improvised one-man shows in the middle of our living room
You are marvelous
I think we have the most fun with each other because the kid in me adores the kid in you
I'm so glad these two got to meet in this lifetime
Though when we time travelled you said I was your best friend Ryan.
The fact is:
You're always looking out for me
You make sure I don't step on broken glass, you carry me over puddles, you steer me away from the commotion
I feel safe with you because of that
Even that night in the dead of winter when we got stranded on your balcony high and dry
That's right, I notice all the little things you do
You leave 20s in my wallet
You charge my phone overnight
You fix my TMJ flares
You check my ankles for tick bites
Even when you're not there, you make sure I'm looked after
And I know sometimes you put me first
Know I don't take that for granted no sir
You're an optimizer, you make my life better.
The fact is:
You're forceful with your support
Your voice is loud, your voice is kind
You pick fighting matches with the voices in my head and you always win:
Your voice is louder than all the critics
Your voice drowns out all the noise in the stands
Your voice is the only one that matters to me
For the rest of time, it's me and you in the arena.
The fact is:
You're one of the most loyal people I know, you stick with people for life
You're the only person in North America that still keeps in touch with his kindergarten teacher
You accept people wholesale because longevity outlives the small stuff of life
You are focused on the big picture
You don't hold grudges, your memory is selective
You choose to remember people when they were at their best,
reminding us all who we are so we're able to walk back to our true selves, leapfrogging off your memory of us
And if you do give up on someone, it always says more about them than it says about you.
The fact is:
You're a stand-up guy
You stand with me in any room I find myself in
You've even shoved me in a few and watched me thrive from the doorframe
You stand up for me whether I'm in the room or not
You held my hand and walked me back to some rooms I thought I locked for good and you spun me around and kissed my forehead - Of all the people you know how to throw a rager in the middle of a crater and that's sick
Fancy rooms with the big ceilings or bathroom floor with the fuzzy blue carpet:
No room is beneath you
No room intimidates you
Because you decided a long time ago it was never going to be about the rooms and always about the people you're standing with, the people you stand for and I respect that about you
Like I said, you're a stand-up guy
Leading by example, you teach me to stand up for myself
In fact, you taught me a lot these past seven years:
You taught me righty-tighty lefty-loosy and the world just works better
You taught me Yiddish words (Shvitzing comes to mind right now)
You taught me to be more assertive, Suppose you're ordering at the deli
Seven years later, you and I jump over the counter and make our own smoke meat Sammies, you can have my pickles for eternity
It's been a good tradeoff if you ask me
I taught you how to bike, you taught me how to drive
You teach me about financial matters, I teach you money doesn't matter
You teach me to share more of myself with the world, I teach you access is earned
You teach me to think ahead, I teach you to stop thinking
You teach me to be on time, I teach you the fun part's pre-drinking
You get it, we're different
Which means sometimes we bicker like lovebirds in the morning
But when you think about it: What's bickering if not two people reaffirming their own version of reality to each other?
I'll worry when we stop caring to share our world with the other, our unique take on it
Yes, we both like to lead, and we will step on each other's toes sometimes
But there is no one I would rather dance with, trust me.
We both know we're going to make it, wouldn't be here if we didn't
Though I'll admit it
It takes a special kind of person to be with someone like me - a girl who is equally high and low maintenance paddling endlessly between her intellectual penchants and her artistic sensibilities
(You could say it takes a boy who is equally high and low maintenance paddling endlessly between his intellectual penchants and his artistic sensibilities)
The fact is:
We're the same in the ways that matter,
We're different in the ways that don't
We both want to build a life from scratch, A Life Without A Blueprint
Even if we had one, knowing us we would have chucked it off the Ferry on our second date and did it our way anyway
We do everything our way anyway
We both want to raise a family in a loud eclectic home; The kind we grew up in, yet something else entirely
We both want good company; The kind that feels expansive, the kind that never feels expensive
We both want to celebrate everything under the sun, Under the Sun
We both have the same version of A Good Life, and for that reason - If all goes well - it should be, a really good life.
Stevie,
You are everyone I love in one person:
Like my mom, you're the most talented person I know. You love me in excess, plus you have her soft hands
Like my dad, you're perceptive: you see right through people. You have banter and you're reliable too, I can count on you to show up when I need you
You're protective and loyal like my brothers, not to mention you're as loud as four people. And I love that you love wrestling too
Like my grandma, you're going to be our family's point of gathering; our social glue
Like my grandpa, you are larger than life
And it's bittersweet loving someone who is larger than life. You constantly carry this unshakeable feeling that you're always running out of time with them. So you go ahead and you do the insane thing: you try to fit a hundred lifetimes into one. That's how I feel being with you, I feel like we are living a hundred lifetimes in one. I feel boundless, I feel free. I feel powerful. I feel loved and loving. I feel real. I feel the most me that I could ever be with another person
Everyday I live life with you, I am aware of the grandness of it all
I'm aware because I'm archiving it as we go, if you must know
How not? Every moment with you is noteworthy
If you must know how just much I love you, or if I'm the one that runs out of time
You have permission to open my boxes and take out my notebooks
Look at the margins and read between the lines
See for yourself:
You are everywhere.
Know that however deep I dove into the page,
I got there because I knew you were close by the shore (probably suntanning)
In all seriousness
You are the reason I started writing seriously
You are the reason I took myself seriously as a writer
And I need you to know that
If I ever share any of it, you'll be the reason too
Thank you.
In fact whatever I write after this is a result of every draft you read with pride, with generosity, with awe, with your sharp eagle eyes
Can I just say our creative process is electric?
Baby: Our creative process is fucking electric
We turn our living room into an editorial room on a whim on a wednesday
I love the storms our brains make
You're always saying I don't need you, but you and I both know Amy's better with Daniel
Stevie, the fact is you get me excited about the future
I'm excited to find out if you become the mayor of our small town, The coach and AT on our kids' sports teams, Do we still make monkey breakfast in the morning? Are we the assholes at the PTA meetings?
I look forward to all the rooms we're going to burst in: the delivery room, our home's well-appointed conversation room, the senior home kitchen we break into after hours for munchies...
Stevie, as a matter of fact I love who your parents raised you to be
But I love even more the you that pushed back and carved yourself into the layered man I fell in love with
I hope we raise our kids to learn from us and do it their way
To not let anyone, not even us, get in the way of their adventures
To be free to be who they want to be, as long as they always choose to be curious first
Stevie Bobbie Warsh,
Meeting you at the beginning of my 20s changed the course of my life
I owe you so much of my growth
I vow to support whatever path you choose to carve for yourself
But for what it's worth, I hope you know you're too good not to be great
I vow to show up for you and lean into your interests
If it's important to you, it's important to me
I vow to slow you down, as long as you vow to keep taking me on your rides
When your thoughts are racing, I vow to give you peace of mind
I vow to honor our motto, Have Fun With It®
I vow to keep at it and write many many versions of these vows
I vow to keep writing you random poems too:
"Stevie,
You're so good in a crisis
You forgive all my vices
You come home with surprises
You have an inkling for tinkling with devices
Your love more than suffices
Forget about nice you're honest
You work the hardest
You make me the proudest
To marry Richmond Hill's Finest
My husband is the kindest."
STEVIE BOBBIE WARSH,
You are my compass, you are my confidante
My muse, my co-creator, my favorite distraction
You are my rock, you are my equal
I will love you forever.© 2024 Rachel Rammal Warsh. All rights reserved.
You are a gift and an incredible writer. Happy anniversary!